I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You smell like stripper and shame
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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