So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize