Dual....:-)
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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