life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
