you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
