if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i love accidental penises.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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