Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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