you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
