he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
