I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
