I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
