I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
