I am spending my child support on dildos
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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