i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
