I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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