The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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