just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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