Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
