Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
