Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
