I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
