i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
