I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
