Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
