and you said cock pushups were impossible
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize