The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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