My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
