so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
PANTIES FOUND
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
