tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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