remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
