i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
