____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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