I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
