So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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