i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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