Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
