Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
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