she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Randomize