she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize