best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Boobs are out for the taking
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
