Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
