We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
This toilet bowl is my home.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
