why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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