Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize