and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
