even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
