I think i sorta joined a cult last night
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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