Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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