i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
