You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
