shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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