So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
