k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
