I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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