I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
