I just threw up on my dentist
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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