I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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