I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
