so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
