Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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