My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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