did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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