i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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