The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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