when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Randomize
