I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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