...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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