i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
