I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
