I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
