1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
