I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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