What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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