I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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