At least make sure they are 18
Why
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
