go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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