im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
